you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
