Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
