i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
