She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I supernannyed him into submission
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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