Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize