and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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