the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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