Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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