They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
there is glitter all over my balls
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
