I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
