Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
