At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
