Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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