Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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