Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
