dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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