Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
