if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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