(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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