We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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