youre lurking in front of me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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