Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
