Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize