Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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