my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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