So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
