Who wears a wallet chain?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
