they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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