I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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