you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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