next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had sex on a roof
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
