I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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