you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i want to swaddle you in tequila
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
