last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
