saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
