The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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