if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
