just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
