My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
