I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
