we made out on top of his cat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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