a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
