i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
