i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
