you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
