I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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