i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
