I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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