Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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