You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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