It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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