Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
