11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
