You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
