Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
