There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
