My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
