I just cut my nipple shaving
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
should my penis look like a turkey
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
