If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
