My first STD was from a foam party
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
