I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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