just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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