she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
