Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
