She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
