if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
