come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
