Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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