he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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