I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
